Tea With The Mad Hatters

Here are some ads I made up for Craigslist because I have nothing else to do with my free time that could possibly benefit society.

Skiing Partner

I have two pairs of skis that I bought before my girlfriend left me for the ski instructor. They haven't been used since.
Just the other day, I thought to myself, "Hey, just because she's gone doesn't mean I can't ski, anymore!" So, I am looking for someone to go skiing with me when winter nips into the air. Preferably someone who is under 5'10 and weighs less than 130 pounds- just so it's easier for me to teach you. And I'm really not that guy who's huge on religion and Jesus and everything, but, hey, if you are spiritual, that helps. Also, must like Chuckwalla Iguanas.

If interested, please call Dave at 555-2384

Desperately Seeking Anita

I met you at the Berkshire Mall. I winked at you, you didn't look the other way, and so I took that opportunity to give you my phone number. A couple weeks after, I texted you saying, "How bout you leave your friends at that bar and come give me a handjob at this 24 hour Wendy's?" You changed your phone number. Now, I'm looking for you. I know you're out there. Don't hide. Please, Anita Coricheck.